Nationality - Lines on the earth, lines in our minds - I

This train of thought has been inspired by various personal observations over the years, news from various media, politics and some novels.

The English Patient - One of the chief characters, Count Ladislaus de Almasy, considers himself a man without national boundaries

The Namesake - a touching story of an Indian immigrant family in the United States

(Both of the above novels have been made into acclaimed movies)

and a subscription mail from another blogger who decided to become a US citizen.

Those of us who have lived in more than one country, called more than one place home, know exactly the pull of different directions on our hearts - from the country of birth as well as our country of 
residence.


The First Few Years, Initial Impressions of the United States of America

When I initially landed in the United States, I was floored by the neatness and systematic nature of everything - right from the roads to the malls, restaurants, parking lots and the disciplined sense of traffic on clearly marked lanes. I marveled at the planned manner in which even interstates had numbers and cities/attractions, exits and rest areas were clearly marked and the way driving tests were administered. The absence of corruption from everyday life was a great source (and still is) of admiration.

This is the honeymoon phase. The phase when everything around you seems bathed in a halo of light from paradise. I am not saying that I was so gullible as to believe that there was no crime or poverty or any other problem in the US (after all, I had seen television documentaries on serial killers in America).

However, in general, the attitudes of people and their way of life were, and still are, enchanting.

For the record,  I come not from some podunk, underdeveloped Third World area but from a bustling metropolis, Mumbai, in India. This is a major Asian city and sea port, complete with the stock market, Bollywood, fashion, Miss India contests, newspapers and publishing, banking and corporate offices of a number of companies spread out across various sectors.

Mumbai represents the microcosm of what America represents to the world. People come here (and to other Indian cities such as Bangalore) in search of opportunity, which, in turn, will propel them towards greater personal freedom.

Young graduates from smaller towns come here in search of jobs and get exposed to people from other parts of India, the latest fashions, restaurants, coffee shops, even nightclubs and also sometimes meet their significant other, rather than just stay home in their small towns and settle into an arranged marriage.

Unlike small towns, people have the freedom to dress as they please without being ogled at or sometimes even harassed and live without caring all the time about what the neighbors will think of them.

Disposable income enables them to buy everything from cell phones to television sets and if they earn enough and invest wisely, a flat and a car.

I guess this may be the case with many big cities in the world.

Yet, apart from the malls and McDonald's outlets, there is still a sense of chaos and dirt in Indian cities. Due to overcrowding in cities where people in white collar jobs have to absolutely reside if they wish to move up in their careers, pollution, traffic and waste choke the joy out of a daily peaceful existence. Most have to endure long, harrowing commutes in jam-packed trains and buses or inhale toxic fumes on snail-paced busy roads, leaving little time or opportunity to enjoy nature and outdoor activities.

There is a sense of everything being difficult, some of it due to facts, and I suspect some of it being due to perception, from registering to vote to paying a traffic ticket to, heck, driving from place A to B or finding a clean restroom where there are no malls and fancy restaurants or coffee shops. I had written about the blessing of malls in this respect a few years ago in this post, "Malls and Loos".
Some other bloggers such as Rajeev Srinivasan had mentioned the relative difficulty of daily life in India (sorry, can't find the exact blog post).

And, no matter where you live in India, I still cannot escape the feeling that there is a stifling lack of individual freedom. This is not due to legal or constitutional factors. It is a social construct that has been passed from ancient times but has, of course, changed and become more liberal with modern times.

However, the pressure to marry a person approved by one's parents at the right age, or dressing in a certain manner, or finding a secure job, still remains.

The difference is that younger Indians are more likely to aggressively pursue higher education and a well-paying job and they are also more open to travel, luxury, eating out and the pleasures of life as compared to past generations.

There is also idealism in them as seen by the reaction to Anna Hazare or the candlelit vigils demanding justice for Jessica Lall.

There are also more love marriages, especially in urban areas and Indian models and designers have carved out a niche internationally.

Okay, I have summed up some of the positives and negatives of living in India, not from a superficial, touristy stand point, but from the perspective of the average, aspirational citizen.

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Now, onto the land of the free and the home of the brave as the US National Anthem goes...

America always held a strange appeal for me when I was younger but I never really thought that I would make it my home. Reading about the various interdisciplinary fields and research opportunities in US universities in my Saturday Times of India,  I was fascinated by the fact that one could combine one's interests in different fields, pursue an area of interest not just for the money and expand one's horizons in so many ways. I had a vague sense of America being the land of opportunity.

I had heard about the 'dignity of labor' in America, about how a student at a top college could work as a waiter or dishwasher in a restaurant and not think of such work as below him or her or be perceived by others as somehow inferior.

I knew little about American society or American politics except that they had a different kind of democracy from India's, and that it was a lot more socially liberal than India, just like other 'Western' countries.

It is funny how we lump all Western countries into one and all Eastern countries into another, and, perhaps, African nations, Middle Eastern nations, etc., not realizing the various nuances and glaring differences in their political systems, economies and cultures.

We did study a bit about the American War of Independence and The Declaration of Independence in high school and chapters pertaining to slavery and works by Mark Twain (if I remember correctly).

And popular culture in the form of Hollywood movies, TV series and American novels such as Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn and Archie comics were part of my life.

Coming from an English medium educational background, adjusting to life in an English-speaking country was fairly easy, barring the initial difficulty in understanding the American accent as opposed to India's British English and pronouncing words in a way that the average American did not go, "What's that?"

Note, for example, the difference in which the word, 'mandatory' is pronounced in the US and outside.

Or the more well known 'schedule' pronounced with an 'sh' in British English and 'sk' in American English.

Or the noun form of 'record'. The Brits pronounce both the noun and verb form in a similar fashion whereas the Americans pronounce the noun form differently. You can refer to Dictionary.com for phonetic details.

Americans also roll their 'r's a lot more and soften their 't's as compared to the British.

There is also the difference in spellings between US English and British English such as 'traveling' (US English) and 'travelling' (UK English) and 'honor, flavor, color, tire' (US) and 'honour, flavour, colour, tyre' (UK). US English does not differentiate between the verb and noun forms of 'practice' so there is no verb, 'practise'.

The linguistic adaptation was relatively easy as compared with someone not fluent in English. Overall, the American manner of everyday speech is simple and easy to understand and I felt, even somewhat casual.

One of the facts that strikes you the most is the adherence to law and order and rules here.

People generally follow the rules, whether it is stopping at a 'Stop' sign (trust me, I hadn't seen Stop or Yield signs in India with their transnationally understood octagonal and triangular signs respectively or even heard of them), or signaling to change lanes or dumping garbage in the designated bins.

Live and let live

These are minor when you compare it to the big issues that can really make or break a democratic society.

For example, a person who has never traveled out of a developing or underdeveloped nation or a country with strong religious factions may believe that all Westerners are ultra liberal and do not care much for personal morals such as dressing modestly or respect marriage or religion.

While it is true that one can generally wear what one wants and live with whoever one pleases, America has rules and cultural taboos, too. For example, one cannot streak across the street naked unless you are at a nudist beach and, in the past, most people disapproved of homosexuality. Even today, there is a section of the population for whom homosexuality is a strict no. In general, people have become more accepting of different sexual orientations and even alternate relationship models such as polyamory.

Premarital sex and living together before marriage used to be more of a taboo long ago. And, yes, cheating on your partner and having extra-marital affairs is not cool anywhere.

Did you know that both adultery and homosexuality were punishable offenses in the US a few decades ago and adultery is still so in some states as shown by this Wikipedia article? As for India, there are some archaic laws regarding adultery dating back to the Victorian era probably because no one bothered to amend the Constitution or penal code. Thanks to the efforts of India's progressive citizens and the judiciary, some of them have been repealed, for example, the law against homosexual acts was repealed in 2009.

True, there are stray incidents in the US such as violence against gays. The Mathew Shepard story is one such example. Sometimes, gay teens still get bullied in school and this has led to some tragic suicides.

For all its liberties, America has a right wing, too. 

Women who sleep around are still called 'sluts' and 'whores'. The right wing radio pundit, Rush Limbaugh, got into a lot of hot water after he referred to women using contraceptives as 'sluts'.

And, when strip clubs were opened in some parts of America, there was opposition from the more traditional populace. Today, the grounds for opposition are less clothed in morality and more related to matters such as fears of a higher crime rate as seen here and here.

The difference, though, is that in America, you just can't break the law and get away with it. You will get prosecuted within a reasonable time frame. If citizens do not agree with a law, they campaign against it and work to overturn it. 

Secondly, you can say what you want. The left and the right wing make all sorts of comments but no one can haul you to court because everyone accepts that free speech is sacred. You can yap all you please, but if other people stop talking to you after that, it is your problem.

What I truly admire about the American people is that everyone here is left in peace to live their lives as long as they are not breaking the law. 

Compare that to India where we have a gem of a Constitution and probably most if not all the liberties enshrined in the US Constitution (archaic laws related to homosexuality and adultery were/are still unfortunately on the books passed down from the days of the British Empire) BUT in practice, any political party can run amok.

The main difference between India and the US is not the spirit of the law, rather, its implementation.

Over the last few decades, we had right wing parties such as the RSS and Shiv Sena and their affiliates or emulators telling girls they should not wear jeans and go to night clubs, sometimes physically obstructing business establishments, without any regard for individual rights. 

What is even more depressing is that many Indians actually support such actions in the name of defending Indian 'culture'. Culture can never be forced down anyone's throat and democracy can never mature and progress without individual liberty. Most importantly, cultures change, they evolve.

What such parties do not understand is that Indians living abroad maintain their culture and traditions very well. For example, many of us wear cute tops, jeans and skirts and occasionally go to clubs here but also celebrate Navratri and Diwali and wear salwar kameezes and bindis and host Indian dinner parties complete with samosas, gajar ka halwa and medu wadas. Heck, there are Indian associations for various linguistic groups such as Tamil Mandrams, Malayali Samajams and Maharashtrian ones.

Some Indians actively participate in classical music recitals and Bharatnatyam performances, too. Indian maestros tour the US and other countries, attracting a loyal fan following.

The sheer ease of daily life  

Daily life is just too easy in the US if you compare it with India. Consider renting an apartment. In America, you look it up on the Internet, talk to the apartment office, take a tour, sign the lease and make whatever payments are necessary. You'll get your own space complete with dishwasher, stove, refrigerator, running water, electricity, a decent bathroom, mostly even a washer and dryer. 

Call the cable company for your Internet and TV and you are ready to settle in.

In India, well, life is a little more complicated. True, you have real estate agents and local cable operators who are kind of middlemen rather than service providers but, sometimes, you have to haggle with them and you don't get so many amenities in a flat.

There are places where you still have water cuts, power cuts and all those little hassles.

And, there are some apartment complexes or housing societies as they are called, where the neighborhood Aunty or Mami (Tamilian for Aunty) will certainly raise a storm or at least her eyebrows if there is a group of single guys wanting to rent out a place in close proximity to their teenage daughters. 

Ample space and scope for leisure 

As the Master Card ad says, there are some things that money can't buy. Clean roads, tree-lined boulevards and local parks for walking, bicycling and just enjoying the company of nature are available virtually all over the US. To add icing to the cake, there are umpteen avenues for recreation and sports ranging from skiing to kayaking and skydiving.

Unfortunately, India needs a lot of work done in the civic area. I remember visiting the posh Juhu neighborhood of Mumbai where a lot of Bollywood stars live in their outrageously priced homes. Guess what, the choking traffic and streets so crowded that you would have to have serious maze-navigating skills, are the same as in the poorest localities.

Smaller towns are not faring much better either. Streets are shared by everyone from pedestrians to hawkers and trucks and there are very few well-maintained outdoor spaces.


The existing noise pollution is compounded by festivities during Indian religious events such as Navratri, Ganesh Chaturthi and Deepavali, to name a few major ones, not to mention secular events such as elections, weddings, etc.

                                                                      Fall in the US 

                                                    The green countryside in Southern India


Sorry, I don't have pictures of the busy streets in Indian cities that I can share in public.

Women and work

You can do a lot of things as a woman here. You'll find women in hardware stores such as Home Depot or driving trucks and public transport buses or even working as cable company service people. 

Women can technically do everything in India, too. I have seen girls working in gas stations and factories back home, too. It is just that there is more of a general sense of safety and opportunity in US society.

Individualism and a plethora of stars and entertainment

I remember reading in my civic classes about the founding values of the US - life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

Individualism is celebrated in America. The average person's contributions are highly valued. I had seen a trend in the Indian media, particularly in the 90s and early 200s, of glorifying only some individuals, be it certain Bollywood actors or cricket stars. 

Open a mainstream US newspaper and one will not find much celebrity talk at all. On the contrary, I was pleasantly surprised to read about teachers, gardeners, local heroes and such.

There are tons of actors, models, athletes, pop stars and other celebrities that are featured in magazines. Individuals from other walks of life get their limelight, too. Lots of people are well dressed, made up and are shown to be pursuing their dreams.

In short, you won't see only the same stars talked about day in and day out. There is a huge variety. India also has its chefs, fitness experts and athletes who are not from cricket. It is just that their volume in the US is staggering.

When it comes to movies, I was excited to discover different types of movie channels and channels exclusively dedicated to food and travel. There are stars in all these areas - chefs, physical trainers, adventurers and TV hosts.

Of particular interest to me were the movie channels dedicated to true stories and mysteries and I also watched a little bit of science fiction. 

India has a multitude of TV channels, too. What is more, we have TV series and movies in multiple languages. What I am talking about is the type of movies and entertainment, the genre, not the number.

The average person in America is aspirational. Uniqueness is welcomed. What I have felt after living here is the opening up of a wide range of possibility inside me. The 'do what you love and find your niche' mantra circulates in some form a lot.

As an individual, I now have both India and America in my psychological make-up and life path. 

Immigrants change a country and their chosen land changes them, too. I think immigration changes the land of birth, too, if significant numbers start emigrating. Maybe it is not just emigration but the forces of economics and global politics that cause the change but the diaspora of any country can have a very positive impact on it.

More to come in Part 2...

My sincere thanks to Wikipedia for all the information that I have linked to, along with some news and other organization sites.

More inspiring blogs and a little paradise for tea lovers

I had said there was more to come from my side.

Well, here are are my favorites from my wanderings on the vast ocean that is the Internet...

The Unlost is a blog by a girl who has decided to challenge the status quo of slogging away in a cubicle at a job you don't like just to buy security and some material things. Her posts are hilarious and touch a chord with lots of folks, young and not so young.

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Balance in Me is a site devoted to, as the name suggests, leading a life of balance, inner peace and harmony. It has loads of useful information and lovely guest posts. Check out the post on Women's Day. It has a beautiful ode to womanhood and a lovingly put together list of links to other inspiring blogs and sites.

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Recently, I chanced upon the website of a tea lounge in San Francisco through Leo's Zen Habits blog. This is a group of tea shops that are part of the establishment called Samovar Tea Lounge. Do check out their blog. They have interesting interviews with other bloggers, writers and technology people.

What I love most about Samovar is their Zen philosophy of living life in the present moment and the brewing and enjoyment of a fine tea symbolizes just that. 


I am a big fan of tea, especially Indian masala chai (a concoction of black tea and milk with ginger and spices such as cardamom, cinnamon and cloves, sometimes even fennel seeds and black pepper). There is nothing like a steaming hot cup of tea while contemplating life, listening to music and watching the rain or snow outside.

I am trying to watch my caffeine intake but I give in to my tea cravings at least once a day.

Tea is a ritual for many families. The Japanese are known for their elaborate tea ceremonies. Tea is symbolic with the British way of life and hospitality. For me, growing up in India, I would have tea late in the afternoon with a pastry called 'khaari biscuit', which is a multilayered, salty, empty pastry puff or 'rusks', a hard, crunchy, slightly sweet bread or some other biscuits, and a newspaper spread out before me. 

Note to American readers: Biscuits in India are more like crackers, not the dish that is available in McDonalds and other places. The Indian term is probably from the UK because where else would Indians have derived it from? 

I miss the many varieties of biscuits in India, ranging from the cream-filled ones to the plain dipping Marie biscuits. Lately, I had a craving for Britannia Bourbon - the chocolate cream filled biscuit that is a little more expensive in Indian grocery stores here in the US.

Although I had heard about the health benefits of green tea, thanks to nutritionists such as Anjali Mukherjee who used to counsel contestants for Miss India and write columns in newspapers such as the Times of India, I never saw it regularly sold in grocery stores in India many years ago. These days, green tea has become more readily available. It was after I came to the US that I was exposed to the notion that tea did not mean just the tea leaf, Camellia sinensis. The fascinating array of herbal teas such as peppermint, chamomile and lots more, claiming to benefit people in many ways, ranging from relieving stomach disorders to menstrual cramps, is simply staggering.

I learnt about Chinese oolong and white tea, too, which basically differ from black tea in the level of oxidation and maturity of the tea leaf. There are many varieties of Chinese teas and we came across a few of them in the World Spice Merchant store near Pike Place Market in Seattle. I had never seen full leaf teas in India, let along oolong and white tea, which is surprising since India is a major tea exporter. [There are a lot of items that had somehow never become commonplace in India such as tofu given the proximity of nations such as Thailand and China and that is also very strange.]

The sheer number of flavors that can be added to tea such as orange blossom and peach expand the recipe list of this fascinating leaf even more. Tasting tea becomes the act of a connoisseur, just like tasting wine, with its myriad subtle aromas.

I have tried the Darjeeling Full Leaf Organic and Assam Full Leaf teas at Peet's Coffee and Tea and I can vouch for it, there is something about the aroma and satiety of sipping a full leaf tea that dried tea cannot equal.

I wish Indians (and people in other nationalities) followed their passions and opened up such unique establishments, in line with their philosophy and oriented towards customer service. There would be clean restrooms, a safe, cozy place to meet up with your friends and chat and one would get exposed to simple gastronomic pleasures.

Sula Wines is an agro-based establishment that was set up by a budding Indian entrepreneur which is such an example.

'Chai kadas' (tea shops) in Kerala, where the public gathered to gossip and discuss politics, and Irani tea shops in Mumbai (formerly known as Bombay) were iconic. The 'cutting chai' (a half glass of strong, milky tea - even the glass has a typical shape) sold on the street side in India can still beat the tea served at five star hotels.

My college room mate from Kashmir told me of the many cups of tea they consumed in a day, one of which was intriguingly called 'kehwa' (if I remember it correctly). It was through my Kashmiri friends that I probably first heard of the 'samovar' and even got to see one.

I would love to try all these some day including Tibetan tea with yak's butter.

A long time ago, I had also written about another beloved tea of mine, the red tea, known as rooibos (pronounced as roy-bos), from South Africa. This has no caffeine and brims with antioxidants.

I am off to make myself a cup of tea and when I visit San Francisco, I surely am hoping to check out Samovar.

Note: There was a typo in this post, 'newspaper' had been typed in mistakenly as 'newspapaer'. Sorry about that. Thanks.

New find - A blog for multipotentialites

Over the last few days, I was busy trawling the blogosphere and in the course of my web sojourn, I hit some treasures - lovely, inspiring blogs that truly and absolutely rock.

I am sharing one of these with you today.

Puttylike is a blog that focuses on people with multiple interests and abilities, who often find it hard to dedicate their entire lives to just one pursuit or profession. In short, it is all about multipotentialites and helping them channel their many passions into their life's work. I had never heard of that term before.

I was a 'finger-in-many-pies' kind of person, or rather, a budding 'multipotentialite' as I now know myself to be, right from my school days. I participated in a wide variety of activities ranging from public speaking to group singing (I was not confident enough to sing solo), with everything such as plays, writing and drawing/painting thrown into the mix.

What is even more interesting is that if someone asked me which my favorite subject was,  I would be hard pressed to name one. What was a little more intriguing and a little worrying at times was that there wasn't a subject that I despised either.
I loved history, geography, science, even math and languages which I easily scored high marks in. Even a second language that I was not fluent in did not make it into my hate list. My hate list was empty.

Looking back now, I feel that was a golden period in my life when learning was fun. While marks and competition to be at the top of the class always loomed large, they were not the sole focus of my academic life and that was the secret to success, too.
Later in life, I became too caught up in worries, worries that I had not done enough, worked hard enough or smart enough or as much as my neighbor or enough to make the mark and, of course, worries about results.

In degree college and in working life, I missed the variety that was the part of my life from reading John Keats and Tukaram, Jerome K. Jerome and Munshi Premchand, or learning about Eratosthenes and volcanoes and the French Revolution, along with Henri Becquerel and radioactive theory and cell division, not to mention trigonometry and card game probability.

Laser focus on one area alone bored me quite a bit though I some times wonder if I just chose the wrong major. There were core subjects in college that I enjoyed and grasped very well though. Extra-curricular activities were a part of my college life, too, and I added some sports (badminton) to my repertoire though I was never really an athletic type.

A few months ago, I started reading a book on Leonardo da Vinci, the Renaissance genius, named "How to think like Leonardo da Vinci" (note: the link points to Amazon.com). In my childhood and early adulthood, I only knew da Vinci as  a legendary painter, the creator of the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper.
The master became a huge inspiration to me after I started learning more about his life from museum exhibits and other sources of information. Imagine trying to learn about the human body when one is not a professional doctor or about the science of flying when one has no formal training in the area.

How many worlds there are still to explore and how many of us even bother to notice patterns of nature around us, be it the constellations in the sky or the behavior of birds in our own backyards?
Most of our knowledge is bookish, it is rather information passed down to us, rather than anything we experience or observe on our own. That, I feel, is the tragedy of our Information Age and the mad race of getting into a good college and establishing a career.

Some of the world's greatest minds, be they scientists or philosophers or many other professionals, were keen observers.
Today, I am inspired all the more to explore, to learn and utilize many more of my talents than I used to in the past.

Do check out Puttylike and the book that I mentioned.

P.S. I just found out that Eratosthenes was a multipotentialite, too, courtesy of Wikipedia.

Online Healing Fest

I have been in hibernation for about three weeks now on this blog.

There is lots I have to share with you readers.

Here is something that I have been listening to:

The Online Spring Forest Healing Fest

hosted by Learning Strategies. This is a series of free sessions on Qigong every day for about a week that started on this Monday, March 12, 2012.

From what I've learnt so far, Qigong is an ancient Chinese healing practice that deals with energy flow and the body's own capacity to heal itself. It is used to help with a variety of physical and mental ailments.

Note: I am not a doctor so any information posted here should not be used as a substitute for your physician's advice or prescription.


Every day, two new online sessions are posted on the site at about 10:00 a.m. US Central time and are available until 9:30 a.m. the next day. If you wish to listen to them afterwards, you have to upgrade by payment. Registration is free so those who wish to avail of this opportunity, please do.

Until next time, then. Ciao!

Gender Stereotyping - Catch them young

The Oscars are just around the corner, next Sunday to be more precise.
One of the bloggers at Backstage Unscripted had written about women in comedy and how they are getting their due during this year's Oscars. Women were not appreciated as much as men for their gift of evoking laughter from others. The said post beautifully illustrates how even cinema is now divided into flicks aimed at girls and guys.

There are so many gender stereotypes that we blindly swallow from the society and culture around us.

I highly recommend the movie, "Bend it like Beckham" to illustrate my point. I've heard that "Billy Elliot" is based on a similar premise, too, although I've yet to watch it.

I - In the cradle and nursery:

As most of my friends have either had babies or are expecting, I get to see this whole pink for girls - blue for boys fashion in its full glory. In India, prenatal revelation of the gender of the fetus is banned by law as this enables some male-chauvinistic families to abort it if it is a female so people can't really buy gender-specific stuff in advance for the baby.
We do see little girls decked up in pink frilly dresses but I had never seen the color-coordination rage as much until I came to the United States. Not only does the stereotyping extend to color but decorations of baby rooms and toys. Thus, one gets to see 'Bob the Builder' plastered all over a little boy's room and a lot of Lego sprawling on the floor but go to a little girl's room and we get to see Barbie dolls, mermaids and princesses from every conceivable fairy tale. Dora from the modern ages would probably make it, too.

                                           Boys' room decorated with 'Bob The Builder'

Lego recently introduced some toys specifically designed to attract girls with their pastel color combinations. There has been a lot of controversy regarding this. Just read this article and the comments on the Huffington Post.
Some people say that boys are naturally more inclined towards building, construction, tinkering and the like whereas girls are naturally attracted to playing house and dressing up dolls. In short, machines and tools are more boy-friendly whereas anything to do with people skills, babying and housekeeping is more girl-friendly.

                                     

II - The wedding princess stereotype:

Well, if it was just some innocent child's play, it could be left at that. But wait, it gets more complicated as kids grow up. Boys are taught not to cry, not to be a wimp and girls are taught to be 'nice'.

Every romantic Hollywood comedy talks about how, since she was a little girl, the heroine had always dreamed of 'this' day (meaning her wedding day) when she could wear a stunning white gown and a sparkling diamond ring on her finger and walk down the aisle to meet her Prince Charming, her knight in shining armor.
The drama around weddings sells TV shows and movies which otherwise don't have that much to say, really.
A little side note: [I thought Bollywood and Indian weddings with their 1000-plus guest list of everybody and their cousin plus a pirate's booty worth of gold jewelry and exquisite silk garments, not to mention our three-course meals with at least ten dishes, was so much of excess. However, I was mistaken. 
Indian weddings at least don't bother with who sits next to whom. They don't have bridesmaids and best men and maids of honor and all the family drama that goes along with it. And, since alcohol is never served at traditional feasts, Indians don't have to worry about a drunk ex-boyfriend ruining the party with embarrassing disclosures.
I have yet to see an Indian bride throwing a diva-like tantrum because, honestly, if you are marrying into an Indian family, you better be on your best, modest, ideal daughter-in-law behavior on your wedding day. Most Indians are still deferential towards their parents and elders and, added to it all, if Mom and Dad are footing the bill for the entire shindig or at least a huge chunk of it, you would be grateful, isn't it?]

It is good that, amongst the cheesy, romantic Hollywood stuff, a smart writer and director could come up with a hilarious, ironical movie like "Bridesmaids" that causes the viewer to both pity and laugh at the leading ladies.
As a woman, I can't understand the wedding day craze. As a young girl, I did have different ideas of what Mr. Right would look like but I never actually fantasized about getting married, not as far as I can remember. In fact, I once remember having a nightmare about my wedding day, he he he.

I doubt most women around the world dream of wedding gowns and a five-star dinner party. Most would probably dream of a happy family with a home, children and dogs. Or maybe going to work and coming back to a nice home-cooked meal, preferably with a helping hand from the darling husband. Or being able to achieve something professionally and yet have a happy family to take vacations with.
They dream of a happy marriage, not necessarily a perfect wedding.
Of course, all girls want to look pretty and be admired on their special day. But beyond that, there definitely seems to be cultural conditioning at work.

In short, women have many of the same dreams as men do. They want to travel around the world, see the 'Aurora Borealis' and the pyramids. Many want to be acknowledged for their professional contributions. Many would like to make a positive difference in the world in some way. Some want to be famous. Some want to be rich and own a big house with a swimming pool and a luxury car.

III - Women in science, engineering and technical fields:

The stereotypes extend into the professional sphere as well. The geeky boys are into the technical/engineering stuff  and women march off to non-technical stuff. At least, the majority do. At various IT firms that I have worked in,  men outnumbered women in all the high-end technical positions such as development of software and I am not even counting the statistics for American women and foreign-born ones.
Are we unconsciously discouraging girls from building, tinkering and finding out how stuff works?

I haven't spent that much time around kids so I can't honestly say, given a certain kind of toy, if a boy or girl will be more inclined to play with it. But I know that girls are interested in science kits and Scrabble and brain-numbing puzzles, too. Maybe even Lego. The other day, I was in the Lego aisle, purchasing a birthday gift for my friend's son and I went, "Wow! This stuff looks cool, I should try to assemble one of these..."
In school, we girls participated in science projects and I remember trying out the experiment of wrapping an electric wire around a magnet with my father that resulted in somewhat dangerous results of sparking.
When I see the solar power kits and other science mini-projects for children these days, I feel a slight pang of longing. If only we had these things as children...

There was a Japanese series called 'Giant Robot' on the state-run Doordarshan in India that I watched when I was a child. A little boy commanded a gigantic robot to save them, using a control on his wrist watch, maybe it was a device that looked like a wrist watch.  We children played 'Giant Robot' in the dusty playground outside our housing area just like we played 'Doctor, doctor' and housekeeping in kindergarten. My mother told me stories of the English scientist, George Stephenson and his steam engine invention, as she fed me dinner (I may have confused his story with James Watt).
I watched the puppetry series 'Fireball' on the same limited-channel television and dreamed of becoming an astronaut when I was barely learning to read and write. Girls would love to understand science, too. Maybe boys would play with dolls, too, who knows?

There is one point I concede, though. I have seen very few girls in my social circle that actually tinkered with stuff. My brother was fascinated by cars and mechanical instruments and would have loved to take them apart. Even today, he knows his computer stuff from the motherboard to security administration on the desktop. I loved science and was curious about a lot of things ranging from microprocessors to micro-organisms but never saw myself as a technical person, getting down on my hands and knees to fix broken machinery.
Sometimes, I was just scared to break things. Overall though, I am just not that inclined towards breaking apart and fixing equipment of any kind. Maybe girls are more afraid of experimenting because they worry about consequences. On the other hand, women get too complacent if there is a guy around to do things for them and the current disposable culture where the cost of fixing a TV is probably at least a quarter of what one would pay for a brand new one does not help that much either.

However, my mother is a Jill of all trades who would fix leaking taps and find use for every little stray object that she had saved, handle the finances and tutor my brother. She is a woman who is also politically savvy and avidly reads newspapers and magazines and knows the current political, economic and social climate. Unfortunately, she grew up in an age when women were not encouraged to go out and work and get advanced degrees. For a home maker, she has been a fiery, intellectual one and I owe a lot of my achievements to her prodding and encouragement.

IV - Prejudice in the office and soft technical environments:


When I started on my first job at a software company, I was told bluntly by a somewhat cocky young man that women are simply not as good when it comes to technical things and another female coworker agreed with him. If this were quantum physics or rocket science or even a large boiler plate factory, one would probably have to possess some outstanding technical chops to shine. Ditto for a hardcore software product development firm like Google or Apple. However, this was a small, services-oriented software company where young college graduates with hardly any experience were launching their careers. This young man was probably not that much far ahead as compared to some of his female peers yet the notion that the male brain is inherently superior, existed.
                                       

                             

                                                 

In the geek movie, "Social Network", girls were just party companions and freeloaders, arm candy for the dudes who changed Web history. Of course, keeping in account actual events, women may not have had much of a role in Facebook's or Napster's early days. However, it was sad to see most of the girls depicted as little more than the stereotypical, hard partying, vacuous college girl as aptly captured by another Huffington Post journalist here.

I've read about the 10,000 hours rule in Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers. If you practice any craft for 10,000 hours, working on your weaknesses,  you will get better at it. Talent does matter but by itself, it does not amount to much. Most of the brilliant programmers I've seen started writing code while they were still in school so by the time they are in their 20s, they are far ahead of the pack that simply graduated from college with a degree in computer science but never actually developed a single application.

Women who are truly interested in programming should start tinkering around. You will get better. One day, you could launch a kick-ass product with a pink and purple background and Wall Street might be clamoring for you to go public.

It is not about getting better than men, it is about developing one's own innate abilities, gifts that we never even knew that we possessed.

What if we let children play with everything in sight? Maybe the boy you thought would become a great rocket scientist may end up being the next great Gandhi of human rights and the little princess you thought would get a degree and a regular office job might be the next Marie Curie or Kalpana Chawla.

Note: This post has undergone a minor correction and the last two images have been altered for correct Java programming syntax (it may not be perfect) since it was last published - a few minutes ago.

A short story from me

Last month, I participated in some creative story-telling on the site, "Backstage Unscripted", an excellent blog that is maintained by working and aspiring actors. This blog chronicles the challenges, the daily struggles and the passion of these young people who are trying every day to do what they love. I find it extremely inspiring.

The challenge was to pick up a photo from the list of images of orphaned shoe/s and spin a tale explaining how they came to be without their owners.

Here is my yarn on that site. Enjoy!

Love in the time of Prejudice and Cynicism

The title of this post is inspired by the famous Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel, 'Love in the time of Cholera'.

Valentine's Day came and went by last week. For most of us in free, democratic countries and even some totalitarian states, it was an occasion to celebrate with our loved ones, to give and receive tokens of affection and in some cases, go through a wasteful ritual that felt more like duty than real love.

We should be thankful that we are able to freely express our feelings for another. Think of centuries past when gays were not allowed to show who they are, or for that matter transvestites or anybody else.
People of different races could not marry each other when slavery was commonplace.
Openly showing attraction for a person of the same gender could get you killed a few hundred years ago. Even today, homosexuality is a crime in many countries. [And then there are some countries where masturbation and sodomy are still punishable offenses in some countries because of religion or just because of archaic laws that have never undergone a modern revision.]

Sadly, even in places where the law is enlightened and truly values individual liberty, culture and societal restrictions still influence and limit expression of love. India, the country where I was born and raised, has a plethora of religions, languages and castes (among Hindus). While these differences do not make a difference in daily civic life or working life, it is a deal breaker when it comes to matrimony.

Things have changed in India, at least in the urban metro areas but a lot still remains the same. Arranged marriages typically are essentially matches made between couples who hail from the same caste, linguistic community and religion. A note about arranged marriages for my non-Indian readers though: arranged marriages are no longer just parents deciding whom their children marry, rather, it is more of a matchmaking carried out by family members and the potential bride and groom do date at least long distance over the phone or internet before they tie the knot. Whether this always results in true love is a moot point.
For many young people, though, there are obstacles to overcome such as parental opposition when they fall in love with someone who is not from their background. The law of the land does not impose any restrictions on whom one can date or marry but family sometimes does.

That is why there are umpteen Bollywood movies made with story lines that revolve around the theme of falling in love with someone whom one's parents or one's sweetheart's parents do not approve of.
For all its glamor and emotional dialogues, Bollywood rarely mentions the word 'caste'. Heck, even a movie like 'Bombay' that dealt with the romance of a Hindu guy with a Muslim girl against the backdrop of the Mumbai (then known as Bombay) blasts and riots in the years 1992-1993, rarely gets made. That movie did irk some people who went berserk claiming that it offended their religious sentiments.

So what you get is a rich boy-poor girl story or the girl being already pledged/betrothed to someone else as in 'Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge' or 'Dil To Pagal Hai' and the song-dance drama that follows with either the hero's charms winning hearts or just plain dumb luck.
However, things have come a long way now from the ultra-submissive to the ultra-rebellious with extra-marital affairs and the main characters leaving their marriage for someone else (Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna) and live-in relationships (Salaam Namaste). 
In real life, too, upper-crust and middle class Indians who live away from their parents have live-in relationships and love marriages have become more common in metro areas. However, in some villages, unfortunately, young lovers are murdered for dishonoring their families or going outside the status quo. Romeos and Juliets still exist, tragically...
That was about trying to merge love and the institution of marriage.

Then there is love that challenges every social norm.

Today, in progressive, enlightened societies such as in Western countries,  love outside the boundaries of marriage is condemned. People try to 'work it out' in their marriages, to affair-proof their unions but falling in love with someone else when still married is a taboo, a tragic situation which one just has to silently suffer or try to get over. I do think that cheating on your partner is wrong and one should be honest with one's significant other when something like this happens.


Is it really possible to make oneself so committed to one person that one does not even entertain the thought of another?
Are our relationships merely a reflection of our deepest needs or our religious beliefs and influences of popular culture?

On the other hand, I personally feel that there is an invisible, mysterious spark that binds two souls together. When that is present, people overcome even seemingly insurmountable obstacles such as addiction or family and economic issues.
Mira Kirschenbaum has explained this beautifully is her book, "Is He Mr. Right?". She calls this factor 'chemistry' based on different dimensions. As she says, when the chemistry is not present, no amount of compatibility will compensate.

Some people are now moving on to polyamory while still staying married to a single partner. Polygamy and polyandry are not legal in most places but no law or government can legislate whom the heart should open up to and how many people a person can love.

There is a saying in Urdu that is featured in one of the songs of the film 'Dil Se' that says,
"Ishq par zor nahin
Hai woh aatish ghalib,
Jo lagaaye na lage,
Jo bujhaaye na bujhe."

The translation is roughly: There is no force upon love, it is a spark that cannot be struck deliberately and cannot be extinguished deliberately.


Psychologists and scientists try to explain love in terms of DNA, evolution, brain chemistry and a whole lot of factors but they still have not been able to explain what that spark is, why we feel so powerfully for someone and how each love is so different. There are some loves that are sexually powerful, some that are intellectually potent, some that are emotionally soulful, some who are equal in every department. Some loves fade away with time, there are some that we can't let go of and they live in our hearts forever. In one of my previous posts, I compared each human being to a chemical element and the relationship between two people as a compound that is unique just like the people. It is really hard, probably impossible, to cook up a formula for everlasting love.
Relationships do take effort but good relationships and particularly those that are romantic, are not really so much hard work that it feels like work.

I was reading Paulo Coelho's novel, 'The Witch of Portobello' which is an eye-opening story based on spirituality and philosophy, somewhat in between 'The Da Vinci Code' and a biography.

In it, one of the characters says about love,
"... People either feel it or they don't, and there isn't a force in the world that can make them feel it. We can pretend that we love each other. We can get used to each other. We can live a whole lifetime of friendship and complicity, we can bring up children, have sex every night, reach orgasm, and still feel that there's a terrible emptiness about it all, that something important is missing... ".

That is why I feel that articles like those in Psychology Today, "Are you with the right mate?" that say that basically any decent husband/wife who is not abusive, habitually unfaithful or addicted to something can be Mr. or Ms. Right if you put in the effort and stop fantasizing about the ideal relationship, seem to be missing something. All our friendships are not equally close or deep so why expect that all romantic relationships that fit some criteria are equally loving, good and deep?

I am a cheerleader for lifelong marriages that are based on true intimacy - emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual but don't agree with the camp that says that hey, you did date this guy/girl so how come you did not find anything amiss/incompatible then? There are some issues that surface after living together for years, there are ways we change that we could have probably never imagined and life itself is unpredictable just like people.

The biggest struggle in a society that is free enough to allow everyone to choose their partners regardless of religion, race, ethnicity or even sexual orientation, is how to reconcile the fact that sometimes,  lifelong togetherness in love is shattered, with the idealistic notion that love conquers all.

We do not understand love fully just like we do not understand the Universe or the soul or that Divine consciousness called God.

May peace and true love be with you all throughout your lives...

**********************************************************************************

"Ishq par zor nahin

Hai woh aatish ghalib,

Jo lagaaye na lage,

Jo bujhaaye na bujhe."

These are lines from the famous Urdu poet, Mirza Ghalib, as explained on many sites on the Internet. I haven't provided a single reference because there are many.

**********************************************************************************

Note:  There is a correction needed in this post. I mixed up the words, 'arcane' and 'archaic'. I meant to say outdated laws, so the correct word should have been 'archaic' instead of what I had typed in -'arcane'.

For further reference, please visit Dictionary.com:

ar·cane

 

ar·cha·ic

 

Sorry for the inconvenience. Thanks.

Death and this fragile life...

Today, I got to know the really sad news about the death of the husband of one of my friends.

I was reading this post by Steve Pavlina - Making Peace with Death. The death of someone one knows or a major natural disaster always tends to make one more aware of one's mortality. Just the other day, I was also thinking, just like Steve Pavlina had mentioned, how insignificant our time on this earth really is. We are just a blip on the cosmic radar.

Above all, death makes us question our integrity and compassion towards others. If we had a truly loving relationship with the deceased, we at least have the satisfaction of having made him/her happy while he/she was alive.

I remember reading in C.Rajagopalachari's version of the Indian epic, "Mahabharatha", Yudhishthira, says something to the effect that everyday people die on this earth, yet we don't believe that it could be our turn.

Steve Jobs' famous Stanford commencement speech says - Death will soon clear us away from this planet, too, to make way for the new.

What are we doing with our lives and how are we treating our loved ones that we would regret from the Great Beyond?

In the meantime, my heart and prayers are with my friend and her family and all those who have lost very dear ones, especially the ones that have died with many potential years still left unlived.

Musings on astrology and relationships - I - Parallels with inorganic chemistry

Many people pooh-pooh astrology as a pseudo-science, as a superstition that has been handed down the ages. I don't know how accurate astrology is when it comes to predicting the future or when it comes to even analyzing relationships. However, I must say it has introduced me to the areas of psychology, compatibility and the concept of astronomical transits affecting each individual differently.

I frequent the following sites - astrology.com, astrocenter.com, cafeastrology.com and the website of British astrologer, Jonathan Cainer. The latter offers philosophical advice which I find very interesting to ponder on.

I've learnt the following from my brief foray into this field:

Each individual chart contains the Sun, the Moon and the other planets in a certain sign at a certain degree. Based on the time and location of birth, one also has the houses in the various signs at their respective degrees. Thus, two people with the same sun sign may not have the same ascendant or the same moon sign.
Each individual chart is thus unique though I am not sure if there are people born in different years who may, by an accident of fate, have the exact same chart with all the signs and their respective degrees.

I have been fascinated by synastry and relationship astrology. There is something called the composite chart that is the product of merging two individual charts. The relationship itself is supposed to be a separate entity other than the individuals themselves. This makes perfect sense.

I often think of astrology and relationships in parallel with inorganic chemistry.  Each individual, with unique DNA, is like the atom of an element in the periodic table. We all have something in common as human beings, just like all elemental atoms have protons and electrons. However, although human beings all have the same number of chromosomes unlike elements that have different numbers of protons and electrons, each of us has a different combination of genes in our DNA codes.

Each of us has a distinct personality, our reactions to circumstances are different and more importantly, we ourselves cannot predict whether our beliefs and choices will remain the same over a period of many years. Added to that are various external factors such as the influence of religion, culture and socio-economics.

When we form relationships, we create a compound - a molecule comprising of two distinct individual entities. Just as all compounds don't get oxidized at the same rate or disintegrate when stressed by the external environment, so, too, all relationships will not end up having the same outcome when subjected to the harsh stresses of life.

Some elements are extremely volatile. Some people find it really hard to stay in a relationship whereas some find it harder to let go.

Astrology is more a tool of self-analysis for me. How do I feel when I am reading a particular horoscope about my career or relationships? Am I thrilled? Sad? Do I really want things to work out in a certain way?

The limitations of astrology personally for me, have been getting biased about people or events in advance and forming a preconceived idea about the person based on their sun sign and other characteristics. Also, an astrological portrait, even if one assumes that it is accurate, does not take into account the most defining characteristics of a person - namely, his or her ancestry (parents) and upbringing.
It is nevertheless a fascinating subject.

I have something to say about the treatment of relationships by modern psychology and astrology but that's a whole different subject for another post which will follow soon.

Two amazing blogs and a life lesson from the kitchen

I have become more adventurous in the kitchen recently and just tried out a chili recipe with beer this week, inspired by this amazing food blogger on veggiebelly.com.  This has been one of my best blog discoveries of 2011 and I've shared it with friends and family.
I tweaked the recipe, as I had only black-eyed peas instead of kidney and pinto beans and a large squash instead of the prescribed sugar pumpkin and no paprika in my spice cabinet. I also ended up using whole cumin instead of ground cumin as it was already late for dinner and plain old laziness kicked in a bit but found the enthusiasm to add some chopped cilantro for garnishing and my staple Indian spice - turmeric powder.
The result was absolutely delightful both for the eyes and the tastebuds. The flavor was something very unique yet tangy and delicious.

The other blog that is on my list of great blogs discovered in 2011 is ktotheb.com. Do check out her recent post on life lessons from a surfboard.

The kitchen offered me a life lesson - serendipity. Some of the greatest scientific discoveries were the product of serendipity. How many times does one go looking for something in the house and ends up finding a long lost item?

A little less than two years ago (gosh, has it been that long?), I started preparing 'paayaasam' (note, the 'aa' is pronounced as in 'arm'), also commonly spelled as 'payasam', which is a sweet South Indian dish made of milk, jaggery and cooked rice.
Here is some background information on this dish for those of you who do not hail from India and have probably never heard of it.
Jaggery is the raw, unprocessed form of sugar usually sold in lumps at Indian stores. It has some nutrients and is much better than refined sugar though diabetics should still be careful. 'Paayaasam' is also made using other ingredients such as vermicelli, semolina or 'daal' (pulses, similar to lentils) and refined sugar with some nuts and raisins roasted in ghee (clarified butter). 
The occasion was Tamil New Year on April 13. Most Indian states have their own traditional calendars and New Year occasions as they speak different languages. Of course, in daily life, India does follow the international Gregorian calendar and we do celebrate the 1st of January just like other denizens of this planet.
However, the milk that I used had already either crossed its expiry date or had started to curdle and I did not notice before pouring it in. As it started to break apart instead of mixing in nicely with the other ingredients, I was struck by remorse as to why I hadn't bothered to check the state of the milk.
After some time, I decided to taste it anyway before tossing it into the sink if it was truly horrible. Lo and behold/taste, it was yummy! It had a flavor and consistency similar to that of condensed milk. My roommate loved it, too.
My father later told me that such 'paayaasam' dishes with curdled milk are pretty tasty. Why hadn't I thought of the famous Bengali sweets, 'rosgolla' and 'rasmalaai' both made from milk cheese before berating myself?
Sometimes, when things do not turn out the way you planned, you may be in for a pleasant surprise and have a new experience that will enrich and reward you which you would perhaps have never sought out deliberately.

The second experience was more recent, just a few days or weeks ago. I was about to plug in my rice cooker to make a nice pot of 'basmati' rice. A tiny spider suddenly crawled out from the crevice of the rice cooker under the heating plate. Although I cleaned the area, I did not feel like loading the cooker for fear of incinerating the tiny creature. [Note: This may not sound very logical to many of you.]

I started cooking it in a pressure cooker open-pot style and knowing that it would probably be a little mushy, changed my plans and started to prepare cilantro 'pongal'. This is because the key to cooking rice with a certain consistency is the amount of water and I usually add a little more water in the case of a pressure cooker just to be safe.
A common form of 'pongal' is a mushy dish made of rice and 'moong daal' (split mung bean lentils), seasoned with ghee, turmeric, curry leaves, salt and lots of black pepper. It is commonly served as 'prasaad' (the 'd' is pronounced as the 'th' in 'they') in the Vishnu (Perumaal) temples of Tamil Nadu in southern India and is one of the most comforting nutritious foods on a cold winter morning or evening. 'Prasaad' is an offering made to God which is later distributed to devotees.
My version of the 'pongal' had chopped cilantro leaves and black pepper and if I remember correctly, sesame oil instead of ghee and no daal, turmeric or curry leaves. It was a resounding hit and a suitable accompaniment to my other dishes of the day, much better than plain rice cooked in a rice cooker.

In this instance, too, I was inspired to take a different route than what I had initially planned and the outcome was better than the one envisioned originally.

The most mundane experiences of every day life have the potential to teach us some profound life lessons.

The new year fitness craze and playing for fun

A couple of years ago, I was reading some random news on the Internet and came across an interesting and inspiring snippet - a lady's New Year resolution to do just one push-up every day.

Most of us make resolutions to eat healthy, get fit, lose weight, find a mate, find a new job, etc. only to slide off course in a couple of months. Instead of that, taking baby steps goes a long way.

A post by a blogger I have recently discovered through No Meat Athlete talks about forming habits instead of vague resolutions. I've become a fan of that blog - zenhabits.net and check it out pretty often.

Let me tell you a personal story about my inspiration to exercise.

When I was a child, I suddenly developed a craze for gymnastics. The India of my early and middle childhood years had no private television channels but the state run Doordarshan regularly telecast events such as the Olympics and the Asian and Commonwealth Games as well as Wimbledon and the other Grand Slams among many other competitions.
 For me, the Olympics and other summer games held a special appeal because of the wide array of sports and the sheer feeling of an international atmosphere that they create. Gymnasts and divers held the highest position of honor in my mind because they performed twirls and jumps that were out of this world and frankly very dangerous.
Around the time I was twelve years old, Doordarshan ran a weekly four part series titled, "Nadia", based on the early life and achievements of Nadia Comaneci, the golden girl of gymnastics, the first female to net a perfect 10 in the Olympics. I was mesmerized. My mother had to put up with my wailing as to why she had not enrolled me in the sport when I was still a tender, flexible child under five.  However, I fully knew that I was an extremely timid and sedentary child who could not even hoist herself up on the handlebars in the playground or climb trees like other kids effortlessly did.

On top of that, my school did not have a gymnastics program. In fact, the sport was hardly ever taught or practiced. An opportunity to train came through a program that was probably out-of-school but I was too old by then. I had heard stories of Romanian toddlers as young as two years of age being initiated into training. Twelve is considered too old to start especially for competitive gymnastics though I am not sure if someone else has succeeded in such an endeavor. See, you don't have to be 30 or 40 to feel old, age is a relative thing.

However, I still believed I would manage some of those feats. I scrawled pictures of a female gymnast with a pony tail in various somersaults and poses on blank pieces of paper.

Learning karate during the time I was around 10 helped, too. I still go gaga over Jackie Chan stunts and esoteric Asian masters of martial arts who whack a dozen bad guys like they are swatting a fly.

During school summer breaks, I diligently exercised every morning to improve my flexibility. Those were the times when the model-Miss India-Miss Universe craze had still not caught on and the talk of the town did not revolve around dress sizes, waistlines and weight. My motivation to exercise came from my childhood heroes and heroines and was about achieving something.
In fact, whatever flexibility I still have left after years of plodding away in front of a computer are because of my diligence in my childhood. I was a sincere student, too, and did not slack off during Physical Training classes in school.


Then, there were the tennis stars. Steffi Graf captured my heart like none has ever done since. I watched every Grand Slam semi-final and final I possibly could, especially the women's events. Wimbledon and the French Open were the ones that were aired at a civilized time though.  I cried when Graf once lost to Monica Seles and felt bad that Monica Seles was hurt by a crazed Steffi Graf fan because it took away from a fair playing field and somehow, Steffi's subsequent victories were twinged with a "What if Seles were still in her peak form and not stopped unfairly in her tracks?" 
Today, I do feel bad for Monica Seles, too. She was definitely capable of scaling much greater heights in her career.
By the way, both these players have their own websites - check out Steffi Graf's here and Monica Seles's here.

My parents were avid watchers of tennis, especially Wimbledon and they would rave about the epic Bjorn Borg-John McEnroe duels and Chris Evert-Martina Navratilova rivalry.
I dreamed of becoming a Grand Slam champion, too, and vaguely remember adding my name to the list of future champions in either gymnastics or tennis (I can't remember which one).

I still remember the day my father got home a sports magazine that featured Soviet gymnastics champions  - Svetlana Boginskaya and Irina Strunnikova (if I remember this name correctly). I went ballistic, jumping up and down and promptly received a scolding from my father who preferred quietness. My study cupboard had a huge poster of Steffi Graf with Stefan Edberg taken during Wimbledon.

There was absolutely no public lawn tennis court that was accessible to me. In fact, I had not laid eyes on a real tennis court or racket until I came to the United States. However, we played badminton in our neighborhood and we would imagine that we were would-be champions playing tennis.

Then, when I was in my teens and twenties, the Miss World-Miss Universe era had arrived in India with Indian beauty queens such as Sushmita Sen, Aishwarya Rai, Diana Hayden, Yukta Mookhey, Lara Dutta and Priyanka Chopra to name a few and I was inspired to enter the Miss India pageant, too. I began a daily regimen of sit-ups, full Hindi squats and spot jogging for half an hour every morning along with watching my diet and whittled down to my slimmest that I could ever remember. I ditched my Miss India plans later but continued the exercises on and off. 

Today, what one sees and hears day in and day out is about toning and tightening the butt and abs, losing twenty pounds and 'Before' and 'After' photos. Heck, even Reader's Digest now features some version of "Lose x pounds" on its cover.
Somewhere along the way, we have forgotten our childhood tendency to play for play's sake. Exercise can be fun and should be. That's what the author of zenhabits.net says in this post, too.

I've recently started to learn yoga and as I try to perform the Padmasana (cross legged lotus pose with feet on top of your thighs) and the bridge pose, I try to envision the child who believed she could be a gymnast some day. Maybe I will get more flexible with regular practice, maybe I won't get very far but the very fact that I am doing something is an achievement by itself.

As one of my teachers had signed in my autograph book as I left school (I don't remember the exact words but definitely the gist),
"Ideals are like the stars
We may never reach them but 
they will guide our way."

My sports and fitness idols guide my path and as my yoga instructor and virtually every Zen master would say, "It is the journey that is important".

The year that was...

The year 2011 is slowly breathing its last. I am sure many important events have transpired this year for many of you.
For me personally, 2011 has been the year of liberation. I feel braver than before to go after what I truly desire rather than what I should be doing to be safe. I have started asking the question, "So what?"
It feels liberating. It feels right and comforting that things will eventually be alright. Even if they do not turn out to be perfectly according to my expectations, something else will turn up along the way.

Some of the best things, just like the worst things, happen to you when least expected. That is the beauty of the serendipity of life. Every event offers a chance to grow stronger and wiser and see the world from a different perspective.

I have explored many avenues of self-development including neuro-linguistic programming, yoga, discovered sites such as ktotheb and No Meat Athlete, Ivan Campuzano's blog, the environmentalblog.org and new stuff on old favorites such as RealAge (check out their yoga and workout videos) and read quite a few inspiring and eye-opening books.  I've shared several of these on my blog for others to enjoy.

I have realized something valuable: When the chips are down, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself -
Eat healthy foods
Exercise
Meditate
Pray if you are religious though not in a fatalistic manner but to ask for Divine guidance, courage and wisdom to do what needs to be done (I believe in the adage, "God helps those who help themselves")
Find your own passions
Indulge in your favorite hobbies
Cherish the good relationships in your life even as some others may not be working
Be grateful for all the good things in your life
Perform some acts of kindness or charity

Much of this is cliched advice that one might see in many forums or read about in books and I have picked it up from other sources, too. However, what I say has been tested by me and therefore, has the merit of actual experience.

On the social side, I would label 2011 the year of weddings. Many people in my circle of family and friends tied the knot.

2011 also saw a few illustrious people leave this world for the Great Beyond. Steve Jobs and Amy Winehouse were people who passed away too early, especially Amy. She was barely 27 and a bundle of talent that the world would have loved to see more of. I have heard probably just one or two songs of hers on the radio but her voice and her personality left a unique impact. I hope her soul rests in peace. A young person's demise is, indeed, a sad event.

As for Steve Jobs, what can I say? I was never an Apple user and had been on Windows throughout my career.
However, since I hopped on to the iPhone bandwagon reluctantly when my husband bought one for each of us, I've never looked back. Steve Jobs may not have invented the MP3 player or the computer or touch screen or even the graphical user interface, but his genius was in 'connecting the dots' as he says in his famous commencement speech at Stanford.
Apple was the first company that actually thought of the concept of a personal computer rather than the behemoths used in research and industry.
The iPod's sliding, simple interface and immense storage capacity coupled with the iTunes concept where you could legally buy a song online for a cheap price rather than shelling out several bucks to purchase the entire album made it very popular. Added to it was the 'coolness' factor as well. The iPod did revolutionize the digital distribution of music when practically the entire music industry was up in arms against the digital world, especially after Napster.
Similarly, the iPhone was the first phone that combined a music player, computing facilities such as browsing and email with a revolutionary touch screen and the ability to add applications to the phone. It was certainly not the first smart phone and may not even be the best in every department but the phone industry has never been the same since.
I read his biography by Walter Isaacson this year and it is absolutely fascinating. Steve was a complex personality with lots of annoying and probably baffling quirks and some people thought he was a jerk.

However, with all his flaws, he still inspires me because of the simple fact that he followed his heart in everything he did to impact the world in a positive way. He showed that doing what you want to do (not illegal, immoral stuff of course) will pave the way for betterment of others. I wish that he lived to a ripe old age.

If you haven't listened to his commencement speech, please do. It is one of the speeches that will wake you up, like throwing cold water on a person who is half asleep. The text of the speech is also available here.

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In Bollywood, two beloved legends passed away - Shammi Kapoor and Dev Anand.

Shammi Kapoor's movies never failed to cheer me up. He had a rare knack of performing comedy and sad scenes, all the while evoking pity from the audience and adoration over his somewhat chubby good looks. He was not the guy with ripped abdominals like today's stars but his good looks were wholesome and reminded one of a well fed, nice man with some innocence still left in him.
Above all, his signature traits were his boisterous, over-the-top onscreen antics that wooed viewers all the time.

His death saddened me. My favorites among his movies are: Brahmachari, Kashmir Ki Kali and An Evening in Paris.  I love the songs of Teesri Manzil and we performed a couple of them on stage back in our college days. I have to yet watch the movie though. Even if I did watch it in my childhood, the memories are quite hazy now. Who can forget his ruckus in the song, "Yahoo!" from the movie, Junglee, or the audaciously flirtatious yet funny "Badan Pe Sitare" from Prince.

He was a member of India's most famous film family, the Kapoors, and maintained a website about them.

Dev Anand was the evergreen hero who hopped from romantic hero to patriot to international spy and everything in between. My favorites among his works are Jewel Thief and Guide. I still get carried away by many of the songs which were picturized with him such as "Main zindagi ka saath" from Hum Dono and "Lena hoga janam hame kai kai baar" from Prem Pujari. Most of his movies are still on my list to watch. Dev Anand had a distinctive air and some unique mannerisms that made him the cool, unfazed, optimistic guy.
He did not stop making movies or playing an important role in them even when he was well past his prime hence the nickname of evergreen star.

In fact, thinking about yesteryear's stars and the way the scenes were shot, barring the song-and-dance sequences with playback singers that somehow made themselves the staple of every Indian film, old Indian movies were very similar in look and feel to Hollywood oldies. Whether it was the curly hair and classical features of their leading ladies or the studio sets and the suits of the gentlemen, they just seemed to be cousins from different parts of the world. In fact, Indian characters in black and white films could pass off for Caucasians because the medium shielded shades in complexions pretty well.

Time slowly chugs on, what we can do is make the most of each moment and do all the things that we want to, not by hurting others but by finding fulfillment and spreading happiness. A truly happy person spreads joy around, an unhappy person drags down others, too.

This blog has completed seven years now. This year, there are more posts on it in a single year than in the past so it is an important milestone.
To those of you who are reading, thank you and wish you a very happy, healthy, peaceful and prosperous 2012.

The Environmental Blog - a 'green' gem in the blogosphere

I have discovered a new blog recently - TheEnvironmentalBlog.org.
This is a blog that is definitely worth following as they have great content related to environmental issues, small and big, and how our actions can impact the earth positively or negatively.

I have become more aware of how much my very existence costs Mother Earth daily. Every time I see a plastic bag, bottle or cover that is about to be tossed away, I think of where it is going to land up and choke up the waterways or poison the earth in some manner. It is amazing to see what our species has singlehandedly managed to achieve in terms of overconsumption of resources and environmental destruction.  
Right from the chemicals and plastic used in our toothpaste and the tube to the heater/air conditioner we have on while asleep, each and everyone of us is using up energy and other resources while also generating waste that sometimes cannot even decompose naturally.

I live in a city that is reverential towards the environment and recycling is a way of life here so I can still toss in all my recyclables in a bin to be collected weekly. Recycling should be popularized every where in the world. Plastic and other non-biodegradable waste is particularly a problem in developing countries that are far less organized when it comes to garbage management and are either lacking in knowledge or apathetic towards environmental issues.
Even if citizens are educated and aware, they sometimes feel helpless if there are no available systems to enable them to act responsibly when it comes to sorting out their garbage and handling it better.

My last post talked about the plight of farmers in India. Here is a post on TheEnvironmentalBlog.org about the desertification of Africa. It is a highly enlightening read and I learnt about 'environmental refugees' for the first time.


Imagine the population of even a part of the world that is still dependent on agriculture and animal farming for its livelihood being forced to relocate when it has no means to sustain itself. I doubt governments and international organizations have thought far ahead to plan for such disasters.

Hope all of you have a 'green', joyful Christmas!

The farmer's daily gift to us

Those of us who live in cities and work in software companies and other white-collar professions sometimes lose touch with the ground realities of everyday life, the things that we use and consume on a daily basis but require very hard labor from many who may not enjoy all the things that we do.

I was reading this article in 'India Today' about the plight of the long-suffering farmers in Vidarbha, the dry eastern part of the Indian state of Maharashtra. To give an idea to non-Indians, this is the state whose capital is the city of Mumbai, India's financial capital, home to Bollywood and beauty contests, Dalal Street (India's own Wall Street) and thousands of other businesses, big and small. This is also one of the alpha world cities, truly one of the world's biggest cities in terms of population, variety of industries, educational institutions, cultural activities and probably GDP if you look at it not just by the dollar measure but by the sheer volume of economic activity.
Young people from Mumbai and also those who migrate here from other parts of India and even neighboring countries dream of becoming Bollywood stars, models, designers, bankers, businessmen/women or landing a good, cushy job in one of the many organizations here. A large percentage do end up making a decent living with upward mobility leading to at least a decent flat (apartment) and possibly a car with all the other modern utilities that money can buy.

Yet, drive or take a train a few hundred miles to the east and there is abject poverty with children still dying of malnourishment, farmers committing suicide because they are unable to pay their debts and lawlessness that aids in perpetuating the worst in Indian society including the rigid caste system practiced in its most exploitative form and the safety of women and children endangered.

Newspapers and politicians wail about the plight of the farmers, big sums of money are donated either through bank loans or government aid but the fundamental issue remains the same.

Here, some of us are, living abroad, thinking about what is the best post-workout snack, how many servings of fruit and vegetables we get, contemplating whether brown rice or whole wheat or gluten-free, high protein quinoa is the best and buying pricey handmade organic cotton goods from Whole Foods and feeling great about our healthy choices.
Please don't get me wrong here. I am a big fan of Whole Foods, The Body Shop, Starbucks and the fair trade coffee they sell and everything organic, whole grain, etc. I will always buy such products as far as I can afford because not only are they good for my health and my family's but also good for the environment. Also, fair trade products do help farmers both in the United States and the developing world by making sure they get a fair share of the profits.
I just think more about those people who toil all day in fields through whom we get our daily bread and lots more to sustain us as well as keep us healthy and glowing.

I don't completely know the economics of agriculture and how much percentage of the profits actually reach the farmer but I do know that the lifeblood of India - the monsoon and its mood swings along with other factors that influence crop yield do decide the income of the farmers to a large extent. There may be other factors, too, for example, farming of cash crops versus food crops, over-farming, etc. which are complex issues that I am not delving into in this post.
As for agricultural loans, that is another issue altogether. The reasons for someone not being able to repay their debts may be manifold.
There are two very good articles here on this topic - one from the Daily Mail (UK) and the other on the Huffington Post.
Rapid, large scale industrialization and aggressive, yield-centric farming with genetically modified crops, pesticides and fertilizers along with other human intervention in the environment have all been blamed as per these articles and some of the enlightening comments.

What if farmers had an alternate source of revenue and growth in many other ways rather than just the hard drudgery of agriculture? Right now, most rural folks send their children to good schools and colleges, hoping that they can secure a good job in a successful company and move up in life. In short, the only certain way out of poverty seems to be a good education, a white collar job and moving to cities.

I am thinking about rural industry - investments in alternative energy sources and local industries that use farm products to create innovative, eco-friendly products.
Agro-based industries supply the world with many basic and ancillary necessities right from food, clothing, footwear, cosmetics and accessories such as hats and bags and even has immense scope for the pharmaceutical industry and natural medicine. Here is where the agro retail sector can help agriculture, just as the latter directly sustains the former.
People from villages could receive training in management, economics and environment-friendly practices and this would result in a more well-educated, happier, more ambitious populace.
Indians and the Indian government should focus on creating jobs and industries through agriculture by encouraging private investment and rural entrepreneurship.

The agro-industry sector needs people just like Narayana Murthy and Azim Premji who revolutionized the Indian IT industry with Infosys and Wipro, respectively.

The fundamental issue is that the rural poor need to be empowered with education and innovative, environment-friendly industry, not just forced to migrate to Asia's already burgeoning cities, rampant with their own problems of pollution and overcrowding. We need less government bureaucratic involvement and more job-creating initiatives from the private sector.

India's and probably other developing nations' future lies in the empowerment of the most vulnerable sections living in far-flung villages.